"Sorry it took so long to type, i was tying my own noose"
"I think they are just sayin that so i dont jump out the window or crush myself with the snowplow"
"Good, u and ur shaven nether regions go cry while i go pick up my broken heart off the floor
and glue it back together with liquid nails"
"The day hell freezes over is the day i have sex. Better yet, the day Derrick gives up
alcohol, is the day i have sex."
"i'm not a flamin homo, contrary to most people's beliefs"
"i keep hopin for a hot girl, and u see where it gets me.....internet porn"
"as long as the glasses are clean and the beer is cold, its a good watering hole"
"u can always count on a CDLman to get the job done"
"like most of my women finding excursions, it will probably end up in a big failure"
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and doesn't die"
"The 4 F's of women: Find em, feel em, fuck em, forget em"
"Oh no, the world is going to hell in a Target shopping cart"
